We sit across from each other. How long has it been since Julie and I have eaten together at home, just the two of us, without firing up the TiVo to 30 Rock or Mad Men?
Stop the Madness: Please Don't Use This Word During (Or After) A Time Of Loss | HuffPost
Julie and I met when we both worked at the same magazine. I was on the 28th floor; she was on the 29th. We knew each other as colleagues for five years before our first date. Jacobs from the 28th floor. What the hell is he doing here in my house? The guy in front of me swivels his head. Saying aloud everything I am doing at a given moment is all part of my new strategy for unitasking.
As a kid, I had the admittedly bizarre habit of pretending to be a sportscaster announcing my life. No secrets from myself. It has other benefits, too. It forces me to live a mindful life and help balance my emotions. I just see trees and jutting rocks and grass. Yes, I still kind of wanted to smack the person who was irritating me, but at least the exercise gave me a little distance and perspective.
The first four or five times I thought I might die of boredom. I fell asleep twice, once with my eyes open. I also tipped backward once, just about banging my head on a bookshelf.
Business idea: meditation helmets. So are my focusing muscles getting ripped? As primitive as my meditation is, it does seem to be helping me in real life, at least a little. Where are you going? Get back here, you big lug.
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Or not. I always try to catch her eye to say hi, and she always looks through me with an empty stare. It drives me crazy. But Wallace was right. Maybe her sister is going through an ugly divorce. The plan is to hunker down and do a full day without multitasking.
I stash my BlackBerry on the top shelf of a closet. I do my morning meditation. And then I blow it.
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I check CNN at noon. I take a cell-phone call while making my turkey sandwich, though I beg off after 45 seconds, ashamed. I walk to the living room, where Zane has just dumped all the pennies and nickels from his watermelon-shaped piggy bank onto the rug. His mission is to pour out all the coins and put them back in. Then repeat. I have three sons.
Black Lies Why must I live without this trust? They are all just cold black lies Why hide under a disguise? Everybody does it the same Is it a bold habit of rage? Black lies: Hit hard! White lies: No harm! No matter what! Take out the trash! I am a slave for minimum wage! Chains Who do you think you are trying to be? Preppy Peckernecks! Peckernecks march Uncle Sam! Victory is hard to achieve Defense weapons! Combat missions! Decisions made, what do they think? Beer rules! How does it feel each time you pass the rich business associates? How can you just sit around as the world revolves?
Too sick to die!
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Pervert to some Dying to come Pervert to some Dying to come! Do you have thoughts of suicide?
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Do you lay awake in your bed? Wishing and wanting to be dead? Thinking only of what you lack Is your future looking grim? Chances of contentment are so slim Slowly sinking to a pit of despair Finding a way out is your only care Your desperation leads to abandonment Just searching for a way, a way to forget A way to forget!